Soccer na game of failure, especially dis summer. For 2026 World Cup, every game get about 80 possessions per team. Dem dey fail to score with 98% of dem possessions. Dem generate only 12 shots per game, so 85% of dem possessions no lead to attempt on goal. And even when dem shoot, dem fail to score 88% of di time. But we all put up with di constant futility because dere be likely payoff hidden behind all dis hopeless statistics, right? Right? Yeah, um, not quite. Di biggest World Cup in history bring an even greater avalanche of failure. Of di 48 teams wey dey try to win di World Cup dis summer, 47 (98%) go fail. Add up all di World Cups dis century, and come di end of dis summer, 240 different groups of players go don try to lift di World Cup – and 233 go don fall short.
Of course, not all failures be created equal. Injuries happen, refs make mistakes, arbitrarily drawn borders and random demographic patterns determine rosters, socioeconomic factors overwhelm tactics, and di ball keep bouncing. So from now until di end of di tournament, we go grade di 47 failures – continually updating dis page, with di most recently eliminated teams listed first – based on a combination of pretournament expectations, in-tournament performance, and whatever else dey worth considering. Di grades go dey on a traditional A-to-F scale. Yes, you fit get an A for failing or an F for failing. I can’t think of a sentence wey better sum up di World Cup than dat. All numbers come courtesy of di stats app Futi or Stats Perform data, unless otherwise noted. All projections cited come from Michael Caley’s PADDLIN’ model.
Iran: How dem get eliminated? Finished third in Group G. Final grade: A. Well, dem inability to shift into a more possession-based approach once dem go a man up against Belgium speak to an inherent weakness. But who care? Dis team get everything else go against dem, in ways dem mostly no fit control: an ongoing war wit one of di co-host nations, dem domestic league dey suspended because of di war, organizers forcing dem to put dem home base for a different country from where all dem games dey, organizers forcing dem to fly back to Mexico immediately after each of dem matches. Not to mention multiple interventions of marginal offside technology wey give di illusion of precision and dey seem increasingly removed from di spirit of di actual rules, and a 95th-minute goal for a match dem no dey play wey eliminate dem from di competition wit wetin be basically di final kick of di group stage. Despite all of dat, Iran no lose any game at di 2026 World Cup. Wetin might don happen if dem just allow dem to play soccer like everybody else?
South Korea: How dem get eliminated? Finished third in Group A. Final grade: D-. Coming into di final match, South Korea dey on di verge of securing di closest thing dem go get to a home game for di round of 32: playing for Los Angeles. And rather than nabbing a favorite like France or Argentina, e for be against a very beatable Canada side stripped of dem own home-field advantage. All dem need to do na beat South Africa, wey don look like one of di worst teams for di competition through two matches. Instead, dem manager bench star player Son Heung-Min, dem genuinely get outplayed by South Africa for a 1-0 loss, and now dem dey go home. Di reason dis no be F na because dem play quite well for di win against Czechia, and only di double-save of di tournament keep dem from tying Mexico: A HEROIC SAVE FROM RANGEL TO KEEP MEXICO IN DI LEAD! South Korea dey so close to di late equalizer! If dat go in, I no even dey write about dem yet. But, well, e no go in.
Uzbekistan: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group K. Final grade: D-. I dey start to think say e for be a bad idea to get rid of di coach wey qualify di nation for dem first World Cup and replace am wit a guy wey only real managerial achievement na claiming di Chinese Football Association’s Coach of di Year honors for 2017. Uzbekistan come into di tournament looking like a fringe knockout contender; I get dem 34th for my rankings, Michael Caley get dem 35th. For dem first competitive matches under Fabio Cannavaro, dem look like one of di worst World Cup teams wey we don see dis century. Only two sides for 2026 produce worse goal differentials than dem minus-9, and dem generate only 18 total touches inside di penalty area. No oda country finish wit fewer than 25.
Scotland: How dem get eliminated? Finished third in Group C. Final grade: C-. Scotland opening win against Haiti make dis seem a little more disastrous than I think e actually be. Or maybe e cover up how disastrous e actually be? Di Scots get outshot 15-9 against Haiti, 12-6 against Morocco, and 21-14 against Brazil. Dat just no go cut am, especially since di third-place finishers end up dey way better than most pretournament projections suggest. E seem like three points, wit a slightly negative goal differential, go dey enough; instead, only one third-place team wit three points even advance, and dat na Senegal wit a plus-2 goal differential. Brazil and Morocco both be, arguably, top-10 teams for di tournament. I no think e dey realistic for Scotland to get out of dis group on di positive side of di goals ledger.
New Zealand: How dem get eliminated? Last place in Group G. Final grade: C. Dem come into di tournament as di worst-rated team for dem group, put up a fight against Iran and Egypt, and then get hammered by Belgium. Dat broad outline – expect nothing against Belgium, dey competitive against di oda two – for be a realistic goal for di Kiwis to set. Dem give demselves a chance for di bounces to go dem way – and then di bounces no go dem way. Di big disappointment na say dem get di lead against Iran twice and also open di scoring against Egypt. And so di wait for dem first World Cup win continue.
Saudi Arabia: How dem get eliminated? Last place in Group H. Final grade: D-. All Saudi Arabia get to do to advance to di round of 32 na beat a team from a country wit a population of 530,000 people. Instead, even though di match end scoreless, dem get dominated by a team from a country wit a population of 530,000 people. Di bigger di circle, di higher di expected-goal value of di chance: At di time of dem elimination, dem 17 total shots attempted be di joint-fewest for teams wey don play all three group stage games. E tie dem wit Qatar, hosts of di 2022 World Cup. Saudi Arabia go host di 2034 World Cup.
Uruguay: How dem get eliminated? Third place in Group H. Final grade: F. After dem team lose 5-1 to di United States for a friendly last November, Uruguay manager Marcelo Bielsa diagnose di problem wit dem team: I dey toxic. Being around me make people worse. After dem team lose 1-0 to Spain to seal dem elimination from dis summer World Cup, Bielsa sum up dem two-year tenure as Uruguay manager: I no need to speak any further about our performance at di World Cup. If you ask how dem go remember me, dem go remember me as wey don leave nothing. I think e for be time to retire? Or start writing existentialist poetry? Uruguay only real gears at dis tournament na SMASH or SMASH HARDER. Without some terrible errors from veteran keeper Fernando Muslera, dem for easily dey on to di knockout rounds – but dis team just no get am. After going down 1-0 to Spain for di 42nd minute of dem final match, dem attempt two total shots. My rankings, and Caley rankings, both get dem 13th before di tournament begin. Dem be di best team to miss di knockout round.
Iraq: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group I. Final grade: C-. E dey great to get Iraq back for di World Cup for di first time for 40 years, yet dem be doomed from di start. Before di tournament, I don rank France as di best squad for di tournament, Norway ninth and Senegal 11th. Dat for be a rough knockout-round slate; e be an impossible group stage schedule. We no fit really say say getting outscored by 12 goals to one be a success, but dem get none of di luck dem for need to find a way to di knockout rounds.
Curacao: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group E. Final grade: B. If your country only get 150,000 people for am, no be say you for get an A just for qualifying for di World Cup? But e also dey true say a 37-year-old dude wey dey play for di United Soccer League – di league below MLS – set di record for saves for a 90-minute World Cup match. Room, of course, concede zero – against a team wey dey start players from Arsenal, Paris Saint-Germain, and Chelsea. Up until di final whistle against Ivory Coast, Curacao somehow still get a shot to qualify for di round of 32.
Czechia: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group A. Final grade: D-. Dem get set plays – and almost nothing else. Dat be a fine balance for one of di first-time participants without any top-level talent – a team wey dey try to eke out every edge e fit get. But most of Czechia starting XI dey play for a top European league. Dis be di kind of side wey for dey make di round of 32 and get within range of an upset win to boost am into di round of 16. Instead, Czechia finish last for one of di weakest groups for World Cup history.
Qatar: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group B. Final grade: F. Dem come into di tournament as di 95th-ranked team for di Elo ratings – di lowest-rated team for di history of di World Cup. And Qatar leave di tournament ranked 99th. Sure, dem fluke into a draw wit Switzerland, but dis be di worst team I don ever see participate for dis tournament. Qatar dey terrible at everything, but especially defending: 10 goals conceded, 72 shots against, 160 touches allowed inside dem penalty area. Qatar spend hundreds of billions of dollars to land di rights to host di 2022 World Cup – dem for need to double dat if dem want to get a competent national team.
Panama: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group L. Final grade: C-. Dem give us two of di most boring first halves of di World Cup, and dem first two matches feature just 33 total shots – di fewest of any team after two rounds. E almost work, too? Panama generate 38 touches inside di opposition penalty area and concede only 29 against Ghana and Croatia, and I think e be smart of dem to drag dem games down into di low-event muck of finishing randomness. Dem no get enough attacking talent to put di ball into di goal.
Jordan: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group J. Final grade: C+. Dem enter di tournament as di 38th-ranked team for projections. Dem then lose to Austria and Algeria, dem get eliminated after two matches, and dem ranking drop. Jordan score for both matches and dey tied wit 15 minutes left for each one. Dem also leave a really sweet note – and actual sweets – for di locker room after di game against Algeria. I make di rules here: I dey give dem brownie points.
Tunisia: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group F. Final grade: F. Dem lose dem opening game 5-1, fire dem manager (Sabri Lamouchi), hire a new guy (Herve Renard) wey no know di players, and then lose di following game 4-0. Oh, and all dat happen before dem play di best team for dem group, di Netherlands. E no be as though Tunisia be some first-time, happy-to-be-here side wey qualify only because of di expanded field, either. No, Tunisia win games at each of di previous two World Cups! And dem don qualify for six of di past eight tournaments! Act like you don be there before, guys!
Turkiye: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group D. Final grade: F. According to manager Vincenzo Montella, Not every time di team wey play better win di game. Dat be di sport we dey play. Dat be football. He dey absolutely right – as long as he no dey talk about dem team. Turkiye be unlucky not to score for dem first two matches, but dem go down early against two teams dem supposedly be better than, and then resort to 27 shots from 25 yards and beyond – six more than any team don attempt across dem first two matches since 2014. A team wit Juventus Kenan Yildiz and Real Madrid Arda Güler, two of di best young creators for di world, get to get a better comeback plan than dat.
Haiti: How dem get eliminated? Finished last in Group C. Final grade: C-. Haiti enter di tournament wit just a 15% chance of getting out of di group, for a tournament where two-thirds of di teams advance to di knockout rounds. Dem play well for dem opener against Scotland – controlling 61% of di final-third possession and outshooting dem opponents 15-9 – but no fit turn di control into a goal and lose 1-0. Sure, dem give Brazil too much space for di next match and lose 3-0, but I no sure better tactics for don matter much. Dem be eliminated before dem score a goal.
