Fathers dey sometimes hard to know. Dem fit be men of few words. Or dem prefer to give advice rather than talk about themselves. Rarely, dem be open books.
I used to call my own papa the Explainer—he always get easy answer for everything wey puzzle me about the world. Like: Wetin be difference between Jeffersonian and Hamiltonian democracy? But last year, I start to ask am different kinds of questions: Wetin be the first major news story you remember from your childhood? Wetin be a song wey always bring back particular memory for you? How having pikin change you?
E fit be intimidating to shift into deeper register with your father. But e worth am—and we dey here to help. For Father’s Day, The New York Times ask therapists, researchers, professional interviewers, and famous dads to offer questions wey fit lead to rewarding, revealing conversations between you and your dad.
The questions below na just starting point, and many of dem fit be asked of other important people for your life to bring you closer together. After you talk, we go love to hear wetin you learn for the comments section.
When you dey younger, who be your best friends and how you spend your free time? —Kier Gaines, therapist and author of “It All Starts When You Do: How to Do the Real Work of Self-Healing”
Wetin be your role for your family when you dey grow up? Wetin be your siblings’ roles? —Terry Real, therapist and author of “I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression”
When you dey grow up, wetin be your idea of wetin a dad suppose be like? —Bryce Dallas Howard, actor and director of the 2019 film “Dads”
Describe the house or apartment wey you grow up inside. Where you dey eat? Where you dey play? —Elizabeth Keating, author of “The Essential Questions,” a book about interviewing your family
How you and Mama meet? You propose to am? You dey nervous? Wetin you say when you propose? —Terry Gross, host of NPR’s “Fresh Air”
Wetin be your first job? Describe the setting. —Elizabeth Keating
You remember the first day you dey alone with your pikin? For how long? —Bryce Dallas Howard
Wetin be the best gift or compliment wey I ever give you? —Linda Nielsen, author of “Improving Father-Daughter Relationships”
My 30-year-old self go like your 30-year-old self? We go be friends? —Natasha Cabrera, professor of human development and quantitative methodology at the University of Maryland
Wetin you dey stress about when I dey small? —Chris Gethard, comedian wey write about fatherhood
How your relationship with your papa influence the kind of parent wey you be? —Linda Nielsen
Wetin be the easiest and the most challenging age to parent? —Kier Gaines
Wetin good from your childhood you hope to pass down to me, and wetin you hope to spare me? —Scott Galloway, host of the podcast “The Prof G Show” and author of “Notes on Being a Man”
You get memory of me lying to you or you lying to me? —Mike Birbiglia, comedian and purveyor of dad jokes
Wetin be some of the things wey you find most fulfilling and meaningful for your life now? How e compare with wetin you find most meaningful as a young man? —Terry Gross
Wetin be the hardest thing about parenting an adult? Wetin surprise you? —Bryce Dallas Howard
As you dey old, how your priorities change? —Scott Galloway
You see yourself becoming a man of this age? How your life today different from how you imagine am? —Kier Gaines
Wetin be your goals for our relationship these days? —Natasha Cabrera
Who be the person for your life wey you feel understand you the best? —Scott Galloway
If you go get part-time job for retirement, wetin you go be best at? —Chris Gethard
Wetin be something wey you used to believe strongly, but you don change your mind about? —Elizabeth Keating
Dere be things wey you wish you fit say to your own papa wey you never say? —Terry Real
If you fit spend one day with your pikin at particular age again, which age e go be? Wetin activities you go do together? —Bryce Dallas Howard
Wetin be your deepest wish for me?
